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More England (June 5, 2002)

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England is cold (like everywhere else). Cold is England. Oh well. It's almost the end of our trip, and it all seems like a big dream. Maybe it is. But if it were a dream then nobody would be able to read it so I might as well not write these letters…

But I will. I mentioned England didn't I? That is because this letter is about England. Here are some of the other things that we have done in England:

We went to Stonehenge. Stonehenge is a big stone circle that was made in ??? and people can't figure out who made it, why and how. How is because the stones are really big and even modern man (and machine) can't move them easily. My explanation for it is that ancient humans had lots of supertechnology and could levitate the big rocks to places and they had special devices that could fool simple technology. Another odd thing about these stone circles (Stonehenge isn't the only stone circle) is that they are all built on energy or magnetic lines, something like that (another proof for the Cameron theory: ancient human technology could find the lines and they built the stone circles on them to make energy for their spaceships).

The reader is probably wondering what we actually did in Stonehenge. We listened to a mechanical voice on talkaphones, if you really want to know. Well, we went into the Shop (there I go capitalizing the 's' on shop) to buy tickets. We had to go under the road (and the fence that is next to the road to get people to buy tickets so they can get past it) to get there (did I just write that?). And after all that there is a rope surrounding the entire stone circle so that tourists can't get near it and they want to go home and the people who own it get really rich by selling tickets to the tourists. We stayed, because after all, we are travelers, not tourists. We listened to our yakkaphones (or at least three quarters of us did) and looked at the big rocks.

Then we went to the Avebury stone circle. Gasp, another one? Yes, I already told you. This one all we did was park our car and go through the gate. The gate? Yes, we got to go past the fence! To see what? A bunch of rocks in a huge circle. And a ditch next to it. Joss and I ran around in the ditch, Mom and Dad stared at the rocks and three little boys hit each other with balloon-hammers. Then there were sheep in the ditch and near the rock and it was fun to be with them (except for the smell). Can you tell that I like Avebury better than Stonehenge? (It was also sunny when we went to Avebury).

On some of the drives we went on, we looked for chalk horses. Not actual horses that are made out of chalk, though! They are horses that are on the ground (no, not dead) and the grass on some of the hills is cut in the shape of a horse; under the grass on the hills there is chalk, and so there you have yourself an instant chalk horse. We saw four of these chalk horses, and one of them looked more like a giraffe: it had a long neck and it was spotted. Here's a little note for you: during WWII (yes, more of that stupid thing) the chalk horses had to be covered up, because at night the chalk would reflect off of the moonlight and German pilots would use them as landmarks.

We also went to Glastonbury Tor, which is a big tower on a big hill. We took a big walk up to it and there was a big wind (everything is big). It was not sunny that day, and the only view we got was a bit of the town and then complete fog. Then we had to take the long walk back down the hill…

We also went to Glastonbury Abbey (or what was left of it). Glastonbury Abbey was one of the richest abbeys in England, and when Henry VIII (8th) wanted to marry another wife (same guy from the London Tower) and the church said no, he decided to blow it up. Especially Glastonbury Abbey. As Dad says, do not make Henry VIII mad.

Now we are in Ironbridge Gorge! Ironbridge Gorge is where the industrial revolution started (no, the industry did not rebel, it was just shoved a bit higher up the ladder of technology). The first iron was used there and the people made an iron bridge (gorge), the very first made!

"WE ARE IN YORK, HA HA HA!!!" Hey, stop it! OK, back into the suitcase with you…Oops, sorry, I just needed to get my Penn-Guinn under control. It's going a bit bezerk. As it said, we are in York. New York is named after it because New York is newer than this York. There are very interesting things here…

First we went to -- "JORVIK VIKING MUSEUM!" As you can see, my Penn-Guinn is trying to help me. As you already know, we went to the Jorvik Viking Museum. I didn't really know what to expect, except for some funny things about Vikings and some men dressed like Vikings. Fine, there were some menses dressed like Vikingses, but they were outside. Inside, we first went into this funny time machine with a screen in the front with two people in it (no, they weren't trying frantically to get out; stop asking silly questions). The Humans' hats kept changing every time we changed years. Then we went into the little ship capsules that were moving on a little track and we went on a little tour of a Viking Village.

We also went to, quiet, Penn-Guinn, Clifford's Tower. It is a big tower on a hill. A hill with signs everywhere saying -- "DO NOT CLIMB ON THE SLOPE!", and of course people climbing on the hill. Well, to get in, you have to go up the hill, but you're supposed to do it on some stairs. Mom, Joss and I (Dad was on the phone right next to the tower) went in, and we went up to the top. Of course, Mom was scared, but I guess it would be worse if the tower was still as big as it used to be… We got a great view of York, and for most of us it was fun (Mom was terrified for the two little boys running around with no adult supervision).

We also went to York Minster to watch the Evensong service. It was really weird singing England's national anthem…

Then we went to London for another night, but we stayed near the airport so planes were always zooming around. We still had the chance to watch the Queen's Jubilee (whatever that is) on the small television. It was very interesting, especially since we had been to where it was taking place.

The very last thing we did in England was to get on the plane. After the Big Bang…


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